The kitchen and wardrobes arrived at 11am on Wednesday,
which is one of the earlier interpretations of ‘Wednesday afternoon.’ Not being
the type to stand and watch four guys manhandling heavy cardboard boxes up
three floors, I goathandled some of them and ached afterwards. Yes there is a
lift, but it is small and wouldn’t swallow a lot of the longer ERBACKEN
worktops or N
ÅRN
ÏÅ wardrobe sides. And they’re heavy! Bedroom 1 was in no
way ready to receive these flat packs, being full of painting materials and a
pile of oak flooring, and the parquet was also not available.
This is because the parquet flooring was being refinished. A
couple of passes with an industrial belt sander the size of a Suffolk Punch –
the lawnmower; not the horse – and then an orbital polisher left a very neat
job. Then a couple of layers of clear varnish to be polished once the varnish
dried. I was mildly surprised at the colour that the parquet has turned out. I
thought it was a sort of cherry red, but the belt sander took the stain away
and revealed the light oak beneath. I think it looks glorious. It will
certainly match the new floor in Bedroom 1 in colour and material, but not in
style. New parquet interlocking wood blocks were prohibitively expensive
compared with planks.
The pantry floor was originally to have the old terrazzo
tiles retained, but too many of these got damaged while installing the
under-floor plumbing. The first choice was to use grey slate, matching the
hallway. But the floor tile order had excluded a new pantry floor. As the tiles
had a long lead time, the order could not be amended. So I looked at ensuring
sufficient oak planks were available ‘off the shelf’ locally. Now, of course,
it turns out that the traditional 110% order has left sufficient slate flags to
do the pantry. There will be a pack of planks left over; the alternative would
be the less preferable wood floor in the pantry and the same area of more
expensive slate tiles left over. So slate flagstones it is. They’re not
actually slate, but ceramic tiles with a slate-effect finish, rated for indoor
or outdoor use and a lot more resistant to water and chemicals than actual real
slate.
Thursday morning came and, true to their word, IKEA’s
kitchen fitters turned up and got on with assembling kitchen units. I got there
before they did and started on NÅRNÏÅ in Bedroom 2. I’d got as far as unpacking
one wardrobe when the painters arrived and told me that they had to put more
coats on the walls, and I couldn’t work here. Unfortunately for my wardrobe
progress, Bedroom 1 wasn’t available either, it being full of carpenters and
new wood floors.
I kicked my heels all morning answering occasional customer
preference questions from the large crowd of workmen in my flat. Then I went
shopping and bought a washing machine and a dishwasher for delivery next Friday
when, I am confidently assured, the flat will be finished.
By early afternoon I was able to put cardboard down on the new wooden floor in Bedroom 1 and start to assemble wardrobes. They’re not difficult but unwieldy. I got two done before bad light stopped play.
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| Bedroom 1 with all doors assembled and 50% installed |
IKEA didn’t show up on Friday as they had previously advised, and I
spent all day fiddling with the first two wardrobes in Bedroom 1, assembling a
pair of large and heavy sliding doors and all the related permanent way, and
getting these fitted and working. What a nightmare! Each door weighs a million
tons and has to be hung accurately on its own track or it won’t work. And I spent
all weekend dealing with the third and fourth wardrobes. On Sunday I had the
place to myself. I still couldn’t get at the walls in Bedroom 2, but there was
enough floor space to work on the even larger, heavier, and less wieldy doors
and get these fully assembled and ready for hanging.
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| Bedroom 2 with - at last - the doors installed |
IKEA finished the kitchen by 3pm on Saturday. They didn’t do
any plumbing or wiring, and I have found several unopened packages that will, I
hope, go back to the shop for a refund. There was damage to one of the cupboard
fronts, but I was told to send an email to IKEA and there would be a
replacement sent and fitted after a few days. The email bounced as
undeliverable, and I had to navigate a Magyar-only website to get an email
message delivered. I translated it too; rather the multilingual elves over at
Google did. Then I got a return email message from a person (in Magyar)
demanding that I re-enter all the information on the ‘Warranty Claims’ online
form, which demanded every piece of information including the product name,
size, catalogue number, price, date of purchase, and various reference numbers
from the original till receipt. And the latest is a request for a photo of the
damage.
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| Grrrr! |
The kitchen comes with a much-vaunted 25-year warranty, but
were I to claim after say 23 years, the chance of having all this information
to hand appears slim. Thus I infer that the warranty is practically worthless.
I do need to get a bathroom mirror that doesn’t poke out
from the wall any more than the tiling. This is proving difficult because
anything with built-in lighting needs space for the lights and ends up being at
least 50mm thick... A separate LED strip on a bracket will be required, that I
anticipate will be around 2.050m above finished floor level and therefore out
of range of most Evil Stepmothers.
“Magic mirror on the wall…”
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| The bathroom |
The power outlet for an electric shaver will have to be
mounted on the wall to the side of the mirror, and should be IP44 waterproof,
which means a spring-loaded flap to cover up the socket while it’s not in use.
I have been unable to find a combination strip light and shaver socket that
doesn’t look hideous, and anyway 2.050m may be beyond the range of the short of
arse as well as Evil Stepmothers. It’s certainly beyond the range of most
goats, but isn’t there an Irish band called “Goats Don’t Shave”?
]}:-{>
