Sunday, May 07, 2006

Hong Kong; Shanghai; UAE

Isn't on-line banking a wonderful thing? Instead of dragging my sorry self down to the branch in order to manipulate bank accounts and pay bills, I can do it all from the comfort of a swivel chair in air-conditioned comfort. My bank, which is both local and global according to the advertising, operates this fabulous thing. I'm not allowed to hyperlink to the bank's website; that rule is in the terms and conditions.

Unfortunately, fabulous - according to my dictionary - means legendary or mythical. You know; like dragons or centaurs. In other words, although the concept is familiar, it doesn't really exist.

The theory is very simple. I go to the bank's website and enter various pieces of secret information such as account number, mother's inside leg measurement and name of a long-dead pet. Then the bank account details appear on screen and I can pay my bills, open and close accounts and generally move money around.

It is therefore unfortunate that in practice it doesn't quite happen like that. Since the recent upgrade to enhance the service provided by the local global bank, it typically takes twenty minutes from clicking LOGON to actually seeing the account details. And that's with a 2Mbps connection. What is more typical, and it has just happened again, is that the page crashes partway through logging on and I have to close the browser and start again. Another twenty minutes of my life stolen by the bank.

I'm told by the kind lady on the helpless desk to reset my browser and reboot the PC. Clearly it's all my fault, which is why I get exactly the same problems on the works PC, the home desktop and the laptop. Incidentally, I'm now through to my Account Summary page, but can't go any further because none of the links respond. Reboot; start again... And finally, despite trying several times a day, I managed to get through nearly a week after my previous successful attempt.

Incidentally, the helpless desk mentioned that lots of victims users of on-line banking are experiencing slow connections, as indeed is the bank itself. It would seem that the bank is unaware that the word upgrade means improve or become better. I should have thought that the new system should have been thoroughly tested before unleashing it on to the general public.

I don't have these problems with the bank which has a blue eagle as its logo. Just the one with the red and white triangles. Am I alone?


bbhs said...

I could access/log on to the triangle's site just fine.

Anonymous said...

No you are not alone. I am also a victim of the global local bank and its tiresome website. All this from a bank that can't issue a debit card as it "doesn't have the local infrastructure" according to my clueless dedicated account mismanager.

Keefieboy said...

You're not alone Mr Goat. There is something SERIOUSLY WRONG with HSBCs internet infrastructure. I did ask them if their upgrade had involved them accidentally sticking the whole thing on a 386-based server. But just as bad as that is that the login upgrade procedure is SHITE, and lots of other things are just plain broken.

Anyway, mustn't grumble, toodle-pip.

Grumpy Goat said...

We conducted an unscientific survey of four bloggers and found:

Seventy-five percent of HSBC's on-line banking customers were dissatisfied with the service

El Casareño Ingles said...

I have yet to see a HongKong ShagPile bank in Spain. I used them in the UK before (FirstDirect) and that was shite too.

I now bank with Unicaja (pron. oonicacha), they are very helpful in every respect. I once forgot my PIN number - the cashier looked it up on the screen for me!

Grumpy Goat said...

Eighty percent now.

Casareno: I'd be concerned if the PIN isn't strictly between you and the machine. (Sorry, no tilde symbol on this keyboard)

Keefieboy said...

Dear Grumpy

You are allowed to post more than once a week y'know.

MamaDuck said...

Hey GG, I'm with the local bank with all the pretty colours. It isn't just yours. By the way,a friend moved back to the UK and assumed he could simply transfer his Happy Krappy Shiny account to a branch there. Not so. And not interested, much less, helpful.

Helpless desk! Yeah! Though in all fairness, the pretty colours help staff are genuinely interested, and will follow through (every time.......). My problems start with the incompetents behind the lead-lined screens.

You quizzin on Saturday?

kentonblue said...

I use the same bank. But I use the telephone banking system. When it works that is. Seems everytime I try to use the system there is a problem. Bad connection. System is down. System is being slow.Downright frustrating. Still. Things can only get better can't they. The always do.

Grumpy Goat said...

When you're really at the bottom, there's only one possible direction to go...


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