To Du is to be...

...extremely annoyed in my case.

I applied for my Du mobile phone SIM card back in December, and to my delight received notification in January that my preferred number had been allocated, and that the SIM would be couriered to Grumpy Goat Towers in March.

Then a courier company, whose name sounds a lot like 'Are-A-Mess', for reasons that will shortly become apparent, telephoned me on Wednesday last week to sort out a delivery time. Now, because I would be busy all Saturday, I suggested that instead of Grumpy Goat Towers, perhaps Are-A-Mess could deliver to my office address on Sunday at any time between 07:30 and 17:00.

Are-A-Mess concurred, and asked that I fax a location map, and to include on the fax the waybill reference number. "Sharjah. Above the bank and the pie shop" is apparently not a good enough location.

Sunday, 5:30 pm:
GG: My package has failed to arrive. Do you know where it is?

AAM: Sorry, Mr Goat. We were unable to schedule delivery for today, but it will definitely be delivered tomorrow without fail.

(GG notes the absence of "inshallah" and is hopeful. Poor hapless fool.)

Monday, 5:30 pm:
GG: Where's my package? You promised before 5pm.

AAM: Du has instructed us to hold back on SIM card deliveries. Anyway, we don't know where to deliver it. Can you fax us a location?

GG: Like I did last Wednesday? Please phone me back without fail to confirm that you have this second location map.

AAM: Certainly, Mr Goat.

6:00pm:
GG: You said you'd call me back, and you haven't. Do you have the map?

AAM: Yes.

GG: And when are you going to deliver my package?

AAM: Tomorrow. Between nine and six.

I called Du to see if this alleged instruction to hold back on SIM card deliveries had any relationship with the truth, but I hung up after being told for ten minutes that my call was important and that I was in a queue and would be attended to. Presumably some time prior to the ultimate heat-death of the universe.

And anyway, what would have happened if I'd had the SIM delivered on Saturday as per the original plan? I smell an animal, and I suspect it's male and bovine.

Tuesday, 5:30pm:
GG: Are you going to deliver my SIM card or what?

AAM: I'll call the delivery boy and find out... He says he'll deliver it within 20 minutes.

Wait. Time passes. Thorin sits down and starts singing about gold.

Courier: Hello? Mr Goat? I'm at Grumpy Goat Towers. Where are you?

GG: Aaaargh!!

Needless to say I complained to the extremely apologetic manager over at Are-A-Mess. It's just a good job this delivery wasn't a live kidney for transplant or the tender for a mega-million dirham project to be delivered before noon.

I finally resorted to dealing directly with the delivery driver rather than the clowns in the Are-A-Mess office. He said he'd return to Grumpy Goat Towers between 7pm and 7:30. [IRONY] I am astonished to report that I've been here since 6:30pm, and at 8:15pm there's been no sign of him.[/IRONY]

I shall not be using the services of that particular courier company until hell freezes over. Another reference to the heat-death of the universe.

And if anyone from Are-A-Mess happens to be reading this, you may find the following pictures useful.













Addendum: At 8:30pm the SIM card was finally delivered. In a package the size and weight of a house brick.