Sunday, December 03, 2006

Listing to starboard

I have here an example of some whinging expat doggerel
The quality is very poor; it should be wrote on bog-er-roll...

The tune, by Sir Arthur Sullivan, is here.

The landlords who increase the rent beyond the legal max.
I've got 'em on the list,
I've got 'em on the list.
The threat to boost inflation with that Value Added Tax.
I've got it on my list,
I've got it on my list.
Impatient wastafarians with flashing headlight, who
Would rather crash their cars than wait ten seconds in a queue.
The people whom you telephone because their product's cack.
They promise to return your call, but never ring you back.
And intolerance personified: the Danish boycottist.
I'm sure they'd not be missed,
You know they'd not be missed.

You may put 'em on the list,
You may put 'em on the list,
For they'd none of them be missed.
They'd none of them be missed.

The management who won't admit a man in overalls.
I've got 'em on the list,
I've got 'em on the list.
Monopolies who charge excessive rates to make phone calls.
I've got 'em on the list,
I've got 'em on the list.
The chip upon my shoulder that increases every day,
The law that says that it is not permitted to be gay,
The sweaty summer temperatures that make us stay indoors
Inside our concrete box comprising forty-seven floors,
And the genius who says you need a licence to get p!ssed.
I'm sure they'd not be missed,
You know they'd not be missed.

You may put 'em on the list,
You may put 'em on the list,
For they'd none of them be missed.
They'd none of them be missed.


The gentleman in uniform who'd rather just say, "No."
I've got him on my list,
I've got him on my list.
Though yesterday it was OK, today he orders: "Go!"
I've got him on my list,
I've got him on my list.
The high-rise towers everywhere, and ne'er a patch of green.
The concrete, steel and mirrored glass. No plant life can be seen.
The threat of a congestion charge: a most alarming sign,
Yet if you want the train you'll wait until two thousand nine.
And the fool who drives with hazard flashers on in rain and mist.
I'm sure he'd not be missed,
You know he'd not be missed.

You may put 'em on the list,
You may put 'em on the list,
For they'd none of them be missed.
They'd none of them be missed.

4 comments:

secretdubai said...

Superb! You are making me so itch to blog my "We didn't start the fire" but I just don't dare. I wrote it months ago and it is the thing I am proudest of more than anything, but it just seems too close to the edge to blog.

Hatem said...

“We didn't start the fire”... that will be the most exciting thing to read on the internet! Can’t wait...

Taunted said...

Welcome to Dubai, have a nice day sir....

BTW, do it secret, just fookin' do it!

If you don't I will!

Anonymous said...

...Which is why you should come to New Zealand!
JAx

 

The opinions expressed in this weblog are the works of the Grumpy Goat, and are not necessarily the opinions shared by any person or organisation who may be referenced. Come to that, the opinions may not even be those of the Grumpy Goat, who could just be playing Devil's Advocate. Some posts may be of parody or satyrical [sic] nature. Nothing herein should be taken too seriously. The Grumpy Goat would prefer that offensive language or opinions not be posted in the comments. Offensive comments may be subject to deletion at the Grumpy Goat's sole discretion. The Grumpy Goat is not responsible for the content of other blogs or websites that are linked from this weblog. No goats were harmed in the making of this blog. Any resemblance to individuals or organisations mentioned herein and those that actually exist may or may not be intentional. May contain nuts.