Thursday, June 21, 2007

You never heard it here

Lightening the tone somewhat, and with my tongue firmly in my cheek, here are a few suggestions of things you're never likely to hear.

On a Club 18-30 holiday:
    "05:30 alarm call please."
    "Not for me, thanks. I neither drink nor smoke."
    "I'm saving myself for marriage."
    "Let's go on the archaeology trip."

In the Deep South:
    "Boy, the tires on your truck are too big."
    "We lost, fair and square."
    "Sure Tyrone. Of course y'all can marry my sister."
    "Just because I could've shot three deer didn't mean I had to."
    "...and a white wine spritzer for my husband."
    "Lentils please. I detest grits and gravy."

In Dubai:
    "There was no traffic on SZR and it was really easy to park."
    "Isn't the summer humidity wonderful?"
    "Jeez, petrol's expensive."
    "Dealing with the official paperwork was a breeze."
    "Yes madam. It is indeed coming in Dubai."
    "That black-windowed Mercedes is being driven with skill and courtesy."
    "Please. After you."
    "Salik is such a brilliantly conceived system."

On planet Earth:
    "On reflection, sir, you couldn't have been speeding. I'll tear up this ticket."
    "It's a fair cop, guv. You've got me bang to rights."
    "Hi. I'm returning your call."
    "My husband always puts the new toilet roll on the holder."


Any others?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

The Beatles sang, "Stawberry Fields Forever", which conjures wonderful imagies, unless yr a migrant farm worker.
Cheers
pegs

littejimmy said...

In Dubai:

"Oh, there's a queue. Never mind, I will take my place at the end and wait patiently."

Gnomad said...

On planet Earth
"Actually sir, your medical insurance covers all aspects of this condition, I'll arrange direct payment to the medical service provider straight away"

In the UK (where the Snu is a very popular tabloid newspaper)
"This article in the Snu is deeply insightful and fair to all parties concerned"

In any school
"Please Sir, can we do our research in the Library instead of on the internet"

In Saudi
"the abaya is such a liberating garment for women"

In France, to an Englishman
"yes of course I speak English, how can I help you?"

In England, to any non English-speaking person
"yes of course I speak (Any language you care to choose), how can I help you?"

In Italy
"no I couldn't possibly wear leather, its so unfair on the animals"

In a Macdonalds
"are you sure you need all that food, sir, consider your health"

G

Restless in Dubai said...

In Dubai:

"Last time I called your restaurant I actually got everything I ordered the way I wanted it to be"
"This bank really delvers what it promises"

RnD

 

The opinions expressed in this weblog are the works of the Grumpy Goat, and are not necessarily the opinions shared by any person or organisation who may be referenced. Come to that, the opinions may not even be those of the Grumpy Goat, who could just be playing Devil's Advocate. Some posts may be of parody or satyrical [sic] nature. Nothing herein should be taken too seriously. The Grumpy Goat would prefer that offensive language or opinions not be posted in the comments. Offensive comments may be subject to deletion at the Grumpy Goat's sole discretion. The Grumpy Goat is not responsible for the content of other blogs or websites that are linked from this weblog. No goats were harmed in the making of this blog. Any resemblance to individuals or organisations mentioned herein and those that actually exist may or may not be intentional. May contain nuts.