Sunday, July 31, 2011

Rich with creases

The Goat’s new residence is full of – appropriately – LG appliances, including a dishwasher, fridge-freezer and even a television. There was no DVD player, but there is now and, purely by coincidence, this is also by LG. Rather usefully, the magic wand that works the DVD machine also works the telly. The Goat has avoided that irritating spawning of remote controllers that afflicts so many households.

The Goat has been struggling with domesticity in the kitchen. At last, he’s worked out how to persuade the LG Direct Drive washer-dryer with 1200 rpm spin speed, inverter and “10 year Warrnaty for Motor” [sic] (according to a sticker on the unit) not only to turn soiled garments into clean ones, but also into dry ones. The said washing machine has numerous displays, and it bleeps, pings and flashes like a computer from a 1970s sci-fi film.

The one thing that this wonderful machine doesn’t do is the ironing. The Goat hates ironing and would normally spurn it as he would a rabid dog. But ‘business attire’ dictates that turning up at the office looking like he’s been sleeping fully-clothed under a hedge is completely unacceptable. Also unacceptable to the Goat are drip-dry bri-nylon shirts. It’s cotton, or polyester/cotton in an emergency.

And yet, despite putting much effort into wielding a steam iron, most of the Goat’s shirts remain obstinately rich with creases. A great problem is that clothing, although made from flat cloth, is made up of odd shapes so that it’ll go around a three-dimensional body, and therefore refuses to lie flat and be tortured with hot irons. So removal of creases from one area invariably introduces new ones to another.

Some shirts and trousers are better behaved than others. The Goat’s yellow shirt that is made of some pinstriped ridged material is 100% resistant to being ironed, except by someone skilled in the art. A standard test of someone’s skill with a steam iron is the Goat’s kilt, which has loads of separate panels. Nanny Goat can do a splendid job in about five minutes; it takes the Goat up to half an hour to yield an inferior result, and the part-time maid back at the Crumbling Villa made such a hash of it that she’s never going to do it again.

The solution to the Goat’s abject hatred of ironing is obvious. There is a laundry at the other end of the road. They might do an ironing-only service, and they might even undertake home delivery.

]}:-{>

9 comments:

Mme Cyn said...

Should I assume you've left me a pile of ironing to do this weekend?

Grumpy Goat said...

There isn't one as at Monday, but I can create such a pile if you like!

Martín said...

piles of to-be-ironed are the easiest. For some reason, some women can lower those piles in minutes. This is not a sexist comment, just a simple observation: I have yet to find a man able to perform such an act.

Gnomad said...

Two of my oppos in the army were brilliant at ironing, so they ironed the whole platoon's kit between them and one other lad and I did the platoon's boots (we were both very good at parade boots) and therefore didn't have to do any of the other chores like cleaning the toilets and polishing the brass and all that, because the rest of the platoon shared that between them. It was a good system and it was amazing how quickly those guys could press 12 sets of uniform.

Mme Cyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mme Cyn said...

@ Martin -- You've never met my father. That man could iron a crease that would cut you. Twenty five years in the Navy kind of does that.

susanthecoach said...

I use the telepphone for all my ironing :-) Its very effective!

nzm said...

Don't machine-dry the shirts, GG - hang them on hangers, still wet, and let them air dry. Less stubborn creases to iron out.

Anonymous said...

Martin, listen to Mme Cyn. Ironing is not in female DNA. tmil

 

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