More bling

Some months ago, one of the major Dubai blingmongers ran a radio advertising campaign on Thi Bitti Meex. The brief was to enter a contest by writing some form of poem about jewellery. The prize for the best entry would presumably be something shiny.

Well, I entered, and then heard nothing. I don't know what happened to the contest. Perhaps no-one entered, or everyone who did refused to be serious and instead took the p!ss. In the words of Tom Lehrer: "The fact that I failed to win the contest I can only ascribe to blatant favouritism on the part of the judges."

There is, however, no escape from my seemingly limitless supply of doggerel:-

Puzzle rings, platinum, bracelets with charms on.
Glittering diamonds I must get my palms on.
Rubies of red and a necklace of pearls:
These are the things that impress all the girls.

I'm like a small child in a shop selling candy.
My fingers have rings that are all Krugerrandy.
I cannot resist, and I never ask why
Someone requires a gold Burj Dubai.

Ladies' names rendered in Arabic letters;
Bracelets as heavy as medieval fetters.
Silver or gold; miscellaneous bling:
This is my ultimate favourite thing!

More precious stones than the Duchess of Warwick;
Mobile phones I've had plated all auric.
What is the limit? I tell you the truth:
I've even a diamond attached to my tooth!

I'm a rapper; I'm a wide boy;
I'm Jumeirah Jane.
I'm right in your face with my show of good taste
And materialistic gain.

(With suitable apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein)